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Welcome to todays diary entry! Today’s been heavy. Not necessarily loud or dramatic — but the kind of weight that just quietly sits on your chest all day, even when you’re trying to crack on with everything else.
Since Mum’s fall last week, it’s like we’ve all been holding our breath a little. Watching her closely. Trying to stay upbeat while quietly bracing for whatever might come next. But today felt like a turning point… one of those moments you look back on and realise it marked a shift.
We had to say goodbye to her dog. The plan since my Mums diagnosis was that my sister would take him on.
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It was absolutely the right thing to do. She’s not well enough to walk him, and he needs more care and exercise than she can give — especially now, while she’s recovering. But it still broke my heart. That little dog was her shadow. Her companion. A part of her daily routine and — more than that — her independence. And I think letting him go made everything feel very, very real.
For Mum, it was a loss in more ways than one. And for me, it just brought the reality of her condition crashing back in. MND doesn’t take big leaps all at once — it chips away slowly, bit by bit, until one day you look up and realise how much has changed.
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I’m staying at Mum’s again tonight. She doesn’t feel comfortable being on her own at night anymore, and honestly, I don’t feel great leaving her either. Just being here — helping with the little things, holding her hand, sitting with her in the quiet — it makes a difference. It’s not a burden. It’s a privilege. And when she smiled at me tonight, even for just a second, I knew she felt that too.
Still, I’m running on fumes. Work has been relentless, and although I’m trying to keep everything ticking along, my head is very much in two places right now. So work because a very convenient escape for me. I have always been very good at being able to leave life at the door of work and shut the outside world out and focus on the job at hand. I have always enjoyed my jobs and i have always found work ever since i was 16 enjoyable so has never really felt like a chore to be there or anywhere.
That said — there is light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve got Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off, and we’re heading up to Scotland to see Lisa’s family. It’s something I’ve been looking forward to for weeks. A proper breather. No shows. No stock runs. No 6am alarms or Luton vans. Just good people, beautiful surroundings, and a bit of stillness — the kind I think both me and Lisa badly need right now.
We’ll make the most of it. Because that’s what you do, isn’t it? You grab the good moments with both hands, and you hold on tight.
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